Creating a Holiday Schedule That Works for Everyone

The holiday season brings joy, excitement, and anticipation for most families. But for co-parents, it can also bring stress, conflict, and difficult negotiations about where children will spend their time. Creating a holiday schedule that works for everyone requires thoughtful planning, open communication, and a willingness to be flexible.

Understanding Holiday Stress

The holidays are emotionally charged for everyone involved. Children may feel torn between wanting to spend time with both parents, while parents may struggle with feelings of loss when their children are with the other parent. Recognizing these emotions is the first step toward creating a schedule that prioritizes your children's wellbeing.

It's important to acknowledge that no schedule will be perfect. There will be compromises, adjustments, and moments of disappointment. But with the right approach, you can create a framework that allows your children to enjoy meaningful time with both sides of their family.

Planning Early and Together

The single most important factor in creating a successful holiday schedule is starting the conversation early. Ideally, co-parents should begin discussing holiday plans at least 2–3 months in advance. This allows time for:

• Multiple rounds of negotiation without the pressure of approaching deadlines
• Coordination with extended family who may have their own holiday plans
• Travel arrangements if one or both parents plan to travel with the children
• Input from children about their preferences and concerns

Building in Flexibility

While structure is important, flexibility is equally crucial during the holiday season. Consider these approaches to building flexibility into your schedule:

“The goal isn't to create a perfect schedule—it's to create a loving environment where children can enjoy the holidays with both parents without feeling caught in the middle.”

Creating New Traditions

One of the most positive aspects of co-parenting during the holidays is the opportunity to create new traditions. While it's important to maintain some familiar rituals, embracing new experiences can help children see the positive aspects of having two homes.

Consider celebrating on alternate days, creating unique traditions for each household, or even finding ways to celebrate together when appropriate. The key is helping children understand that love and celebration aren't diminished by being in two places—they're multiplied.

Communication Strategies

Effective communication is essential when coordinating holiday schedules. Here are proven strategies for keeping conversations productive:

1. Use neutral language and focus on logistics rather than emotions
2. Put agreements in writing to avoid misunderstandings later
3. Be specific about pickup and drop-off times, locations, and any special considerations
4. Consider using co-parenting apps to keep all communication documented and organized

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

Even with the best intentions, co-parents can fall into certain traps during holiday planning. Be mindful of these common mistakes:

• Competing for children's affection through excessive gift-giving
• Speaking negatively about the other parent's plans or traditions
• Making children feel guilty about enjoying time with the other parent
• Refusing to compromise on schedules out of principle rather than necessity
• Over-scheduling children to the point of exhaustion